This is the second time I’ve written this post, the first time (last night) my efforts got lost in the bowels of the internet and did not save. You’ll excuse me if I’m a bit testy.
So, there are only two things that make me more angry than grammatical mistakes: violence against children and animals dressed as humans (unless it’s a dog in a sweater… that’s adorable!). Whether it’s my younger cousins’ Facebook statuses (sorry guys, but seriously?) or the grocery store sign stating: “Orange’s $.50/lb”, nothing sends me into a white hot rage as quickly. But don’t worry, we can still be friends if you find yourself making these mistakes on a regular basis, I just won’t read your blog posts and I’ll be in physical pain every time you text me. No biggie.
1. Too/To/Two
This one’s ultra straight forward so I’m just going to break it down quickly for you. “To” is a directional word, sort of like towards (Please give this costume to Susan); “too” is like saying “also” (Hey, I have this Han Solo stuck in carbonite costume too!) and “two” is a number (Who would have thought there’d be two Han Solo in carbonite costumes as this party?).
2. Their/They’re/There
This mistake is especially prevalent and it’s time it stopped. The Oatmeal says it best in the cartoon to the right but just in case you’re too lazy to click on it: “their” is the possessive form of them, you can use it to denote when something belongs to someone else (Their dog looks so cute in its sweater); “they’re” is a contraction of “they are” and the usage should be pretty obvious (Don’t you think they’re being a bit cruel making him wear it in the summer?); “there” refers to a place (Nope, there’s some shade over there he can sit in).
3. You’re/Your
Yikes, that’s a permanent grammatical error… unless he has a third hand somewhere with a noun on it. The difference between “your” and “you’re” is pretty simple, one (your) is the possessive form of you and the other (you’re) is the contraction of “you are”. If in doubt try the full version out in a sentence. Would you say, “you are dead cat is starting to smell”? Nope, you’d say “your dead cat is starting to smell”. Cat, by the way, would be a great possible noun for that guy’s third hand.
4. Apostrophes
Sometimes you need them, sometimes you don’t. This seems to be especially hard for small business owners to figure out but, for the love of Flying Spaghetti Monster, proof read your signs before you print them! Here’s when you need an apostrophe: when you’re using contractions the apostrophe stands in for the missing letters (You may think I’m crazy for being so anal about this, but I’m not) and, when something belongs to someone else (Jessica’s obsession with grammar is off putting). You do not need to use an apostrophe when something is plural. Don’t get me started on quotation marks.
5. Netspeak
OMG! UR on the internet! You must be SO excited! That must explain why you can’t seem to form a proper sentence, use grammar, punctuation or correct spelling. Seriously, even if you’re a 16 year old girl who totally just saw Mindy and Brad making out at Sandy’s party, you can take the time to use proper language skills in your blog posts, Tweets, Facebook statuses, emails and chat messages. LOLCats, I blame you. (You’ll note I’m not linking to their site, because they don’t deserve it.)
P.S. I’m well aware of my love affair with commas and if I made any grammatical mistakes in this post I don’t want to hear about it. I’d much rather live in smug satisfaction thinking I’m right.
What language mistake really grinds your gears?
So, I just signed up for a really cool gym, and I’m available to take classes around 6:30. I look at the gym schedule and find a class at 6:30– “Ab’s Class”. Who’s Ab? Is it a class for one of my abs? What the heck?
I hate apostrophe errors probably more than anything. I get very angry.
Incidentally, I’m going to save your graphics from this post and use them in my grammar lessons. Actually, I might just print out a copy of this post and make a class set as an introductory lesson on “what people think of people who can’t apply the simplest rules of grammar.” They’re so concerned with image, this might actually get through to them! Thanks!
I think you should ask the instructor if their name is Ab…
I’m totally psyched that you’re going to use parts of the post to teach your kids! If I can save one 12 year old from using “they’re” or “your” incorrectly from now on I’ll consider my work here done.
With you completely. To keep with the theme, while my partner and I were traveling this summer we stayed at a campground that had this sign on the laundry room door:
Open’s 7:00
Close’s 10:00
I tried telling him that meant we could ignore it, but he didn’t agree.
Argh. It makes you want to travel the world with a red sharpie marker so you can fix everyone’s mistakes. Incidentally there’s a book I’ve been meaning to read called “The Great Typo Hunt” where two guys do just that. I think they’re my heros!
Traveling the world with a red sharpie sounds like a good idea. I teach high school history and I have seen more grammatical mistakes than I ever thought possible. I now have my students read over bits of “Anguished English” at the beginning of the school year. Makes them laugh and saves me tears down the road. From the chapter “The World According to Student Bloopers,” “Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 ft. clipper.” haha!
Ohh, you listed all the best ones! I especially love when you said, “Yikes, that’s a permanent grammatical error… unless he has a third hand somewhere with a noun on it” I laughed really hard!
You have no idea how gratifying it is to hear you enjoyed my grammar humor. My husband on the other hand, not so impressed!
A major department store here in Sydney was recently ridiculed for their grammatical gaffe.
“The early bird get’s the size” This was placed on posters in all their stores state wide. Grammar has offically ended in Australia.
It’s heart warming that people noticed and took the time to ridicule them though. I just can’t believe that a major department store wouldn’t have had a single employee stop and say, “wait… something’s not right here…”.
Exactly. How many executives would that poster have flashed by? Red faces all round. Or would they have face’s?
I think you hit the nail on the head when you blame the internet for a lot of the grammatical mistakes that we see daily. People are in such a rush online that they never even think to proofread anything before it is posted.
It’s amazing how awful some of the grammar that you see online can be. I don’t have a specific mistake or even a short list that makes me cringe, but it’s irritating to see something that is poorly written.
Several months ago, before I closed my facebook account, one of my friends posted a link to a website that was supposed to encourage people to support our troops. I clicked on the link and found about 10 horrid grammatical mistakes in the paragraph talking about why you should help the soldiers. I left a comment to his link saying that it’s very hard to take something seriously when it looks as though a third grader wrote it.
Websites are the worst! If I’m online looking for a business to patronize and their website is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors I will spend more money if necessary to go somewhere else. If you can’t take the time to proof read your promotional materials (and my first experience of your business) then I suspect you’re cutting corners somewhere else too.
Another time it drives me crazy is with Freshly Pressed blog posts… if you got an email indicating thousands of people would be looking at a specific post wouldn’t you go back and make sure you hadn’t made any mistakes? I’d be going through that baby with a fine toothed comb.
OMG! I just read you’re post and have to say that I to am troubled by these grammatical error’s! When I read some sights, its like their just TRYING to goad me!
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But seriously…
One of my favourites (which Aimée has some lovely rants about) is the random quotation marks: If you’re motto includes “quality” or “100% pure” enclosed by quotes you’re probably sending the wrong message.
Note: I had to think about that one for a sec… hm…. directly quoting something in quotes.
Netspeak is one that I find especially troubling. It often feels to me like there should be some sort touchstone, such as:
“If you wouldn’t feel comfortable dressing in the height of avant-garde 13 year old fashion, refrain from using netspeak, or worse yet, l33t speak, which makes netspeak look like Chaucer.”
This of course has the corollary:
“If you’re using netspeak, I’m probably picturing you wearing the height of avant-garde 13 year old fashion when I read your message.”
I’m not dignifying this with a response :p
Couldn’t agree more…
Thanks
As a teacher it often makes me shiver when I see grammar mistakes such as to, two, and too. However, they’re children. I also don’t like when people use all capital lettters. Do they know they are yelling? Great post.
I think I could handle it when marking papers for kids who were in grade 6 or 7 but when you see kids in grade 11 and 12 making mistakes like their, there and they’re it drives me nuts. I know they’ve been taught properly!
HA! Love this post! I find it funny if someone incorrectly posts something on Facebook and then someone tries to correct them, and the correction is still wrong.
There’s a website that has collections of improper grammar-usage on signs, Facebook/Twitter postings, etc. So funny! (www.happyplace.com). The “Best of Facebook 2011″ and “Smart-Ass Responses” groups crack me up.
Also, there is a book called “I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar.” My mom got it for me for Christmas in 2010. The signs are bad, but the comments about the errors are hysterical! If you haven’t already, you should check it out!
here is a link to the funny responses to bad grammar/spelling on facebook from the website I mentioned in my previous comment: http://www.happyplace.com/3645/the-best-obnoxious-responses-to-misspellings-on-facebook
Thanks for the link, that site sounds like it’s right up my alley!
That book sounds perfect for me… I really do judge people when they use poor grammar. I will definitely have a look for it the next time I’m at Chapters!
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